Beautiful Insomnia
by Penny Wishes
Summary: I would almost rather the insomnia to the nightmare; the nightmare of you standing there in front of me, your hair blowing everywhere. In my nightmare you’re not talking but smiling evilly as curls whip around your face, but in my head I can hear your v


**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. This fic is based on the song "Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard Confessionals I don't own the song, they do.   
  
**Rating**: PG-13  
  
**Summary**: Angsty fic in which Ron thinks about Hermione and how much he misses, her and how much she hurt him. Based on the song (but NOT a songfic) "Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard Confessionals  
  
**A/N**: I haven't done anything in the fanfiction world for a while, but I thought that this was a good fic to use as a re-entrance. It's a little more poetic then some of my others only do to the fact that I followed a form. So yeah, enjoy!

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**Beautiful Insomnia** **I'm** trying to sleep. Trying is a key word in that sentence, because sleep never comes to me, not anymore. I miss your bed and you curled up in it, is that so wrong?   
  
**I** know that when morning approaches you'll be standing there next to Harry waiting for me. You'll paint on a smile, and I'll avoid the words rising in my throat.   
  
**I** drink down the bitter taste of the potion, drug really, that is supposed to put me into a dream, but all that comes are nightmares.   
  
**I** wrap the blankets tight around me. My breath feels strangled as a vision of you infects my mind tricking me into thinking that I'm not alone, that you're still here beside me. But I'm alone.   
  
**I** know that your not. You're not alone, and as much of a violation of everything the universe I knew and loved stood for, that it is, you don't hide it. You're not discreet, but outright. Blatantly saying it when I'm around.   
  
**I** make sure I know. I always know who it is, who has stolen you from me this week. Who must I envy today, this week, this month, this year?   
  
**I'm** reading your note over again. Lines, curving and intersecting, these aren't letters to me, these aren't words, It makes no sense.   
  
**I** always liked the last lines of your letters, "Love, Hermione" "Yours, Hermione" "Yours as always, Hermione" this one is no different: "I will love you always and forever."  
  
**I** hear your voice in my mind, you have so many voices, the playful, serious, condoling, nagging even, and I loved them all, but this isn't like those other voices. In my mind you sing the saddest song.   
  
**I** listen.   
  
**I** sit alone surrounded by the blood red curtains of my four-poster, and wonder how you're making out.   
  
**I** can't help but wish that you weren't doing as well as you seem to be is that awful?   
  
**I'm** not doing well, I'm sure you've noticed that already, sometimes I wish that I were anywhere, with anyone, making out... But it wouldn't mean anything, not really.   
  
**I'm** missing your laugh, how come you stopped laughing? I hear your polite laugh occasionally but it's not the same.   
  
**I'm** missing your eyes, when did they turn so fake?   
  
**I** hope you're as happy as you're pretending to be.   
  
**I** don't though, not always, sometimes it would be nice to see you as screwed up as I am... lying stiffly beneath your sheets dreaming of me.   
  
**I** am alone, why aren't you?   
  
**I** wish I knew that you were safely at home.   
  
**I'm** missing your bed, why is mine so stiff all of the sudden?  
  
**I** never sleep. I stay here, in this medium between nightmare, and wakefulness.   
  
**I** would almost rather the insomnia to the nightmare; the nightmare of you standing there in front of me, your hair blowing everywhere. In my nightmare you're not talking but smiling evilly as curls whip around your face, but in my head I can hear your voice screaming all your infidelities hissing of all the lies you told, all the other men you've been with all there faces sear my skin and I'm dying.   
  
**I'm** not even sure if that's really a nightmare, it's so close to what really happened isn't it?   
  
**I** hate that I still have those burns.   
  
**I** know you've tried to heal them, apologies, smiles, meaningful looks, but they won't go away. 

**I** hate that I can't let go.   
  
**I** hate that I can't sleep  
  
**I** hate your beautiful insomnia.

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Ok another angsty fic from Ron's POV, I can't help it I LOVE his character! If you hated this, then tell me, if you love it tell me! Also criticism is always appreciated!  
  
Penny 


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